"I am 21, male. I experienced some bad things when I was 14 or 15, can’t remember really well. But I got into contact with a man on Facebook. He was 20 at that time. He told me to come and meet him as a friend. I went without having any bad intentions in my mind. I was innocent. Maybe I wanted to make friend at that time, and someone got interested in me, so here I go.

When I was with him, I didn’t really understand why and what was happening. I thought people were nice. Little by little he managed to do his lustful act. He manipulated me into performing oral on me. I did not really understand emotionally what was happening. Neither had I had the courage or guts to move away. When he finished doing his act, he told me to masturbate to ejaculate … I think that my body was in such a shock that I was simply blocked and dissociated myself from my body, not able to remove anything. It was as if I was watching the scene from above. What I was only able to do at that time was to force my mind to appreciate this situation because I thought it was the only positive thing I could have done at that time in my mind to escape that. By making the situation positive.

Maybe I wanted it? Why didn’t I move away? I don’t know. Maybe I was too weak mentally to move away or I don’t know. Being 14, I think I was old enough to understand things or maybe not. I don’t know.

But right now I am in a total mess mentally. I don’t know how I am going to work in the future. How am I going to make money? How am I going to deal with other people?

I just got separated with my girlfriend after 5 years. She was so supportive in the beginning, even at the last time, she managed to help me, but like every individual she has her limits. I didn’t realize the chance I had to have such an awesome person by my side. She taught me how to express myself through letters, something that I was finding quite unusual at that time but I just do it every time now. I completely messed up. I was revealing all my negative thought with her and that has gradually contributed to the decline of the relationship... What I can only have from that is the good memories that remains...It may have been a good thing to break up because I might better concentrate on myself as from now on…. But I think that I will miss her for a very long time if not forever…. RN

How I wish there was a solution button to correct all that. People in these situation have to learn to live with all these. Where is the happiness? How to heal the inner child within? How to tell him that it’s all over and now you can relax, it’s safe…"

WN.