I come from a well known Indian family where my parents marriage was not very well accepted because they came from very different backgrounds. Like all Indian families we all lived in the same garden.

As a child (about 4yrs old) I loved to go and jump on my parents bed in the morning.My mum would get up to go make breakfast, and my father If I can call him that would play a game with me,made sure to make me understand it was our secret game and would make me masturbate him! As time went by and I was growing up we also had special shower times, where he would make sure that I was thoroughly clean till I cried.

By then I was about seven and totally terrorized by him and ashamed of myself because I felt SO dirty! At the time I used to think; How my mother was blind to what was going on ,I don`t know.

By then I had a little sister who was about 4, & 3 cousins who lived in the same garden but different houses,and my gran in her own house.My escape was often at the cousins or the gran.At home, whenever I was there things were the same.If I slept at my house I used to sleep in my jeans to make things harder for him when he sneaked in the bedroom at night! Bedroom that I shared with my little sister at the time ,we both had our side with a wooden separation but only one door! So what she may have witnessed I will never know.

At school when I was 11 my parents got called by the headmistress who saw something was not right and requested that I get followed by a psychologist! THEY MOVED ME FROM THE SCHOOL! This is when I realized I was too small to fight for my safety and of course my actions reflected my anger and despair. To many people I was the terrible child.I can still hear my mother say it to me!

It carried on like this until I was about 13,when one night he sneaked in to my bed and forced me to do horrible things that I REBELLED,I told him that I would shout and wake the whole neighborhood, then he would have to explain to everyone what he was doing naked in my bed.

From that day onwards he left me alone.But the pain and the scars are still very much there!

After many years I have tried to confide into those who were the closest to me but I have always had the feeling that they wish they didn`t know.As for my sister we are not very close I cannot to this day explain why and it saddens me very much.

I have learnt to become a soldier on my own.Do not be scared all of you like me out there it is time for all of us to realize that we have NOTHING to be ashamed of. Our molesters should be the ones bearing that cross!